Client Stories
Everyone’s therapy experience is different since the work happens within the unique context of each client. Below are some stories clients have permitted me to share to show what a therapeutic journey might look like (names have been changed and some details combined to preserve confidentiality).
Guiding You through Your Past to Find Your Voice
Feeling Overwhelmed by Emotion
I met Olivia several years ago, and I still remember the very first time I saw her in the waiting room. She was in her late forties. My first impression was that of smallness, of tightness. She was curled tensely into her chair with her legs and arms crossed, and her eyes downcast. When I offered my hand to introduce myself, she raised her head and a bolt of despair shot like a laser from her eyes.
When she stood up, I was taken aback to realize she was quite tall – almost 6 feet. She had a beautiful smile, even though it lasted only a second. Once in my office, she sat on my couch, closed her eyes, and immediately crumpled back into her tiny self like a magic trick.
I watched as her body began to tremble with anxiety. She said only one thing during the 30 minutes that she could (barely) tolerate being in the room.
Sharing Your Story, Articulating the Problem
Eyes still closed, she whispered, "I’ve lost my voice." I offered her the possibility that, together, we could find it. She opened her eyes and when I saw a speck of hope mixed in with the despair, I knew she would come back.
As our sessions continued, I learned her story. It was one of defeat, beginning with a childhood of loneliness and isolation. She shared the strongest lesson her mother taught her: "If you want to get anything done, you have to get angry." Of course, that didn’t apply to Olivia, who had to be quiet or, better yet, invisible.
Olivia spent most of her childhood and adolescence devising ways to be alone, away from her mother’s verbal abuse.
She moved out the moment she could. She traveled around the country, discovered new music, made some friends… until tragedy struck. Her younger sister died unexpectedly, and all of sudden she was back where she started: in her mother’s house.
Reverting to Old Patterns of Thoughts and Behavior
Her mother took advantage of Olivia’s grief and shock. She seized the opportunity to convince Olivia (with her trademark hostility and derision disguised as concern) that her only worthwhile purpose was to move in and take care of her, which her mother defined as, "Me giving you a roof over your head; you’ll never make it on your own anyway."
And there Olivia had stayed. For years. The litany of her mother’s beliefs became her own. She began to believe her mother’s "story" about her.
Yet somehow the spark of hope I saw the very first day I met her lit her way to my office each week.
Making the Choice for Change
Our work began slowly. I followed Olivia’s lead and her pace. I believe that tangents sometimes lead to insights even more valuable than the ones you think you’ve come looking for.
As our work deepened, Olivia gradually came to realize that the beliefs she held about herself weren’t true. That is why her own voice had been silenced. Her voice was soft and compassionate; her mother’s was strident and angry. Her mother’s voice easily outstripped and silenced Olivia’s. Olivia’s feelings were real, but her beliefs were false.
Olivia’s choice was either to believe that the punishing consequences of her life were deserved… or to address the source of her pain.
It was like learning to walk again… to talk again… to breathe again. But she made her choice to survive from the moment she showed up in my waiting room.
Acquiring Skills and Making Progress
I taught her coping skills and communication skills. We worked up to mindfulness and self-compassion practices. Together we teased apart her mother’s false and toxic comments and replaced them with true and positive beliefs. She learned to feel comfortable in her own skin.
Her mother began to appreciate the extent of Olivia’s care-taking. Although her negative nature didn’t allow her to turn into a love-puff, the dial of toxicity was turned way down.
One day, walking out of my office, Olivia said to me, "I never noticed how short you are!" I replied, "I think what you are noticing is how tall you are." She stopped walking, looked at me and said, with a slow, beautiful smile, "I found my voice."
Exploring Your Own Emotions for Internal Validation
Experiencing the Impact of Loss
Zach was in his mid-twenties when I met him. He was in graduate school with the goal of being a music teacher and was living with his parents while he completed his studies.
Zach initially made an appointment to help him cope with the loss of his beloved grandfather. He felt extremely anxious, and his depression was taking a toll on his schoolwork.
As our sessions progressed, it became clear that the critical feedback from Zach’s professors, one in particular, was the most potent contributor to his symptoms.
Zach’s grandfather had been his biggest champion. The combination of the loss of his most staunch and loving fan and the overbearing presence of the professor he perceived as a critical bully was a heavy obstacle for Zach, both in school and at home.
Asking a Better Question Is Sometimes the Best Answer
We began by learning coping skills and practices to help Zach reduce anxiety. We brainstormed “self-care” activities to address his depression. We explored his family dynamics, and we worked on effective ways to communicate his needs and boundaries to his family.
But Zach’s school experience remained painful.
So, one day I asked, “What is it that you work so hard to NOT feel?”
This question was potent for Zach. Our work had prepared him to explore his emotions. He began to notice his fear of failure (how very human of him), his sensitivity to perceived criticism, and his willingness to let others define him.
One day, as he tearfully shared his professor’s latest indignities and voiced his doubts about completing his degree, I asked, “How badly do you want it?”
For a moment he was surprised by the simplicity of the question. Then, I could practically see the arrow of his attention do a U-turn away from his teacher’s opinion and toward his own desired goals.
Shifting Attention to What Matters
Progress was smooth and steady after that. He shared (with glee) that by the end of the year his “critical bullying” professor had turned into his biggest champion.
The less he needed outside validation, the more positive acknowledgement flowed right to him.
Of course, he still missed his grandfather a lot. But his grief had softened greatly, as his resolve to pursue a meaningful future strengthened. His social anxiety lessened, as his belief in himself soared.
Zach got a good but stressful job and continues to “check in for a tune-up” every month or so.
I’m here to help…
Whether you’re coping with anxiety, depression, or grief, I can help.
Whether you’re like Olivia, struggling to find your authentic self, or like Zach, needing some guidance as you navigate complex emotional terrain, I want to hear your story.
Whether you’re beginning your therapeutic journey or would like some ongoing support, I would be honored to work with you.
Let’s get started on your story. Call me today: (585) 591-6940